I booked this session thinking I had a reasonable knowledge on Buddhism. I have done the mindfulness classes, sat on the cushions. I Even had my own meditation stool. Nothing quite prepared me for 5.5 hours with a Shinto priest.
Within the first couple of hours, he explained that the goal wasn’t mindfulness, nor was it awareness of “observe your thoughts like clouds drifting by.”
It was: Stop thinking. Entirely.
Just switch the brain off at the wall. At this point, Colin’s face looked like someone had told him gravity was optional.
He asked, “But how do you not think? What’s the trick?”
as if the priest might have a instruction sheet titled Meditation for Beginners: Step 1 – Delete Thoughts.
Meanwhile, I was thinking I have got this. I practice daily…. It is how I get through the pain, got myself to this point in life.
The priest explained the Sōtō Zen tradition but also shared how “Buddhism” gets trimmed, softened, and rebranded, with the intensity, discipline, and full historical weight often removed so it’s more “digestible.” I suddenly understood exactly what he meant.
Because what I was learning with him, was not the app-friendly version of mindfulness, or the Instagram-quote version. It was the uncompromising original, the tradition before it was smoothed down for modern comfort.
My mind was doing everything except stopping, it was running in circles, throwing confetti, staging protests. Meanwhile, Colin was still stuck on logistics. And then Colin asked the question… Tbf probably a scenario we all relate to “So… is zoning out when you are driving meditation?
You know, when you leave point A and magically reappear at point B with no memory of the middle bit?”
The priest blinked. I was convinced he was internally praying for me at that point. 😂😂😂 . He responded that is something entirely different and not meditation. Somewhere between the rituals, the silence, the failed attempts at no thought, and Colin’s accidental SH1 enlightenment theory, something deeper shifted in me.
A realisation I wasn’t expecting.
A truth I’ve been dancing around for a long time.
I need to accept my life …..
My life is not a lesson, or a battle. Especially as something to fix, fight or spiritually overcome. I just need to learn to accept it. Accept that change is ongoing, my body keeps rewriting the script and that the ground moves under my feet more than I want it to. He didn’t tell me to pray for healing, divine intervention, for myself, or to give up treatment.
He told me to give myself peace.
Peace in the middle of the chaos, in each changing day. Especially when “I don’t know what tomorrow looks like. That landed in my soul harder than any meditation instruction ever has.
“You have gained the pivotal opportunity of human form.
Do not pass your days and nights in vain.”
It wasn’t dramatic or poetic. It was a simple teaching shared, of being here, having breath, life and this moment. This chance to seek peace even when everything else feels chaotic.
I cannot control my life….but I can stop fighting my life.
I can not guarantee my body will behave …..but I can soften my thoughts around the fear of what my future looks like.
I can’t master “no-thought” today. But for now, but I can find moments of quiet that allow me to be with life’s changes. The no thought will come in time with commitment and practice to the tools he taught us.
I walked away feeling humbled, spiritually stretched but also gave me affirmation around what I do know about me, but I was also lighter.
Just for today that is enough.
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