Standing in All Three

Today I found myself depths of grief. Not the sudden kind that knocks you off your feet, but the slow, heavy grief that lingers like a waves lapping at my feet, creeping up around your ankles and legs until I realise that I am submerged.

I grieve for what I once had all the time!  There is no hiding from that but the warmth of my mum’s voice on the other end of the phone, from the messages she sent, she steadied my world without her even knowing it. I grieve the now, watching her strength waver, knowing there are more hard days to come than easy ones. 

I grieve what is still to come, the goodbye that feels too close and yet also impossibly too far away for her at the same time.

Grief doesn’t stay in neat boxes of “before” and “after.” It weaves itself through past memories, today’s realities, and tomorrow’s fears, leaving you standing in all three at once. That is where I am today!  Carrying what was, the fragility of what is, and knowing the pain of what is ahead.

But, even in the heaviness, there is love. Because you only grieve this deeply when you have been loved this deeply. For that, I am grateful to know a love so deep.